Friday 8/6 - Top of the World

Every place you visit has one of those tourist things that you pretty much have to do when you go for the first time.  In Boston you have to go to Faneuil Hall or Fenway Park.  In New York you have to go see the Empire State Building or the Statue of Liberty.  In Philly you have to drive past Boyz II Men's high school while blasting "Motownphilly" in your car stereo.  (Everyone does that, right?)  In Waikiki, you have to climb Diamond Head.

Diamond Head is the large volcanic crater visible in the background of so many Waikiki beach shots.

This book (HiStory of Santa Monica) is written by a friend of mine, Mike Atwood.  It's a collection of short stories that are set in Santa Monica and in New England.  Here's my official plug to buy the book; it's good, interesting reading.

Seeing that the crater is only about a mile and a half from the beach, a lot of people walk directly there from their hotel and then to the top, but we were out the door by 7:30 so we took the rental car out.  I mean, why spoil a perfectly good vacation with some extra exercise, right? 

About one minute into the trip, however, the exercise gods sent us a sign that they didn't look kindly on our choice to drive to the crater: I killed a bird.  Ran it right over.  I think it was some kind of seagull, just hanging out in the middle of an otherwise deserted Kalakaua Ave, probably itself enjoying a nice Waikiki morning like we were.  I figured it would get out of the way (like birds tend to do-- it was after all George Costanza himself who articulated that getting out of the way of cars is part of "the deal" between humans and pigeons) but it never did, and ended up meeting my front left tire treads.  I felt really bad.  But I felt better after realizing that the principles of natural selection imply that a bird so unaware of its surroundings that it allowed itself to be run over by a slow-moving convertible probably wouldn't have survived in the long run anyway.

So with the birdslaugher behind us, we made it up to Diamond Head, drove through the tunnel to the inside of the crater, found a place to park, and started the hike up.

Jen got to practice her Japanese here to get this picture taken for us.

Now, I used to hike a lot.  When I lived in North Carolina, we used to hike three or four times a week, and even hiked and camped in a rather hilly section of the Appalachian Trail at Shenandoah National Park. So since I'm a little bit out of practice (and a lot out of shape), I'll spare you the painful pictures of me walking up the crater with my shirt off from sweating too much, feeling almost as if I could pass out at one point.  Somehow I held onto consciousness and muscle control long enough to find ourselves at the top of Diamond Head crater with an amazing panoramic view of all of leeward O'ahu.

View of the inside of the crater; strangely, Hawaii used to locate its main air traffic control center here, in the middle of a giant hole in the earth.  Sounds about right to me.

About halfway up looking at crater; this is probably where I started gasping, wheezing, and hallucinating.

From near to far: Kapiolani Park, Waikiki Beach hotels, downtown Honolulu, central O'ahu

I sweat so much I could have counted it as my shower for the day.  Jen clearly held up better than I did.

Beautiful panoramic.  Click on the photo for better detail.  (It's okay to click, you won't be Rick-Rolled or anything.)

I admit, I'm kind of exaggerating the hike-- it wasn't that bad.  I think it seemed worse than it was because it seemed like half the elevation was gained in the last 1/4 of the hike, mostly through steep staircases that reminded me of a D.C. Metro station.  These staircases didn't make going down the hill much of a picnic either; one trip of my clumsy feet and I would have been sliding down 100 feet of stairs like Bugs Bunny.

President Andrew Jackson would have referred to this staircase as "the trail of tears"

Diamond Head having been conquered, it was time to explore some parts of the island we hadn't been to yet.  First off was a brief stop at another off-the-tour LOST location: the house which Hurley bought for his mother with his lottery winnings, which immediately caught on fire, while Hurley himself was arrested on mistaken identity.

From Season 1 "Numbers" - Hurley is getting arrested on his Hummer while his mom's new house burns.

Looks like too  many idiot gaping tourists were coming by the house, so they needed to erect a wall and gate.  Might want to try a moat, too.  LOST fans can be pushy.

We then drove along the coast all the way around the eastern end of the island, all the way to the windward side of the island, stopping at this odd tourist attraction called the Halona Blowhole, a bizarre natural formation in which incoming waves get trapped under the rocks and then spit out of a gap as if it were Old Faithful.  You have to crane your neck in the video below a bit to see the water coming out, and not much happens after the first few seconds, but it was fun to see for a few minutes anyway.

How could you NOT stop at a place called the "Halona Blowhole?"

After wrapping around eastern O'ahu, we arrived in the town of Kailua, kind of a slow-moving beach town which was apparently named after an obscure Chinese food restaurant in North Attleboro.  We stopped at the beach at Kailua Bay (gorgeous) and I made an effort to get a little bit of color on my back to balance out my golf tan so I didn't stand out quite so much as a solarphobic Irishman.

Everyone got their tickets to the gun show? 

By the way, this was our fifth day in Hawaii, and I had yet to get a sunburn.  That might deserve some Guinness Book recognition.  Jen, at most, had a small burn on the back of her upper arm.  Of course, we had probably gone through four or five bottles of sunscreen by this time, too.  It's rough to have light skin; I live in constant fear of the sun.  Sometimes I wonder how my brother Justin got the kind of skin where he can actually slather on tanning oil rather than have to load up on SPF 30 every twenty minutes all summer long.  Go figure.

After a couple of hours of beach time and lunch at a quiet (read: deserted, but very delicious) Chinese restaurant in Kailua, we made our way back towards Honolulu, stopping by Nu'unu Pali Drive (scene of some of the LOST sites yesterday) and wanted to explore a little more, since we hadn't gotten out of the Hummer on the tour.

This stream crossing was used in like 20 episodes, so I'm not going to find screenshots for every one.  Just trust us.

This will be part of my application to be Matthew Fox's understudy in "LOST: The Movie."  This was taken in the same bamboo forest in which the very first and very last scenes of the entire series were shot.

We also stopped by St. Andrew's Church in downtown Honolulu, which was turned into "Oxford University" in a few episodes.  It's amazing to see how a strategically-placed camera angle can convince viewers that they are looking at England when, in fact, a distinctive Hawaiian office building is right across the street.  The screenshot to the right is from Season 4 "The Constant."  Enjoy the pictures, brutha.

"I'm looking for Daniel Faraday."

"Can you help me find a woman named Eloise Hawking?"

Somehow I think that blue office building would look out of place in Oxfordshire.

If I weren't married, I could definitely pick up chicks with this car.

Today was our last day with the rental car as it was due back at 6 PM, so there was one more excursion with the Volvo to be had: Tantalus Drive.  Tantalus Drive is long, tortuous, winding road leading from downtown Honolulu up into the mountains, and then back down.  The zig-zags and switchbacks make for interesting driving, but the views from the top were magnificent.

Almost at the top of Tantalus Road, with Diamond Head and the entire city of Honolulu sprawled out.

From one angle, you can actually see all the way to Pearl Harbor, and can visually identify the Arizona memorial.

Pearl Harbor is that big watery mass in the way back middle in front of the mountain. Great visibility.

Dropped off the rental car and headed back to the Outrigger for one last night at Waikiki Beach and the island of O'ahu.  Capped off the night with a dinner at Duke's barefoot bar... and started to read up on Maui.

Why sample tons of restaurants when you find one you love right in your hotel?

TOMORROW: The importance of packing well (especially if you have three kids in tow and there is a line of anxious travelers behind you), the difference between American and foreign rental cars, and our arrival in Maui.